To the girl I was,

Oh hello baby girl. Look how beautiful and young you are. Just a baby. And we’re still technically just a baby at twenty-three today...

Babes, we need to talk. I need you to listen, and I talk. I’m writing to you because no one wrote to me. And honestly that is okay. We needed to learn.

You’re about to walk through some things in your life no one prepared you for. It will get unbearable at times, and painful, and some days you’ll break out in the bloodcurdling scream because you don’t know how to react. But that’s okay. You’re also gonna have some joy, and you’ll find happiness within the littlest of things. And just remember when you’re walking through the hardest part of it all, you come out above.

In the most respectful way you enter some thing thinking it was full of good and grace. It takes us a long time to realize that it wasn’t. And then it was actually filled with manipulation, pain, and so much trauma. It takes you a long time to recover. And in fact it wouldn’t even say were recovered, because once in a while something comes up out of the blue and will trigger you. Before the majority of things, you are so much better because of this three-year experience I’m referring to.

I’m writing to you because all I want to tell you is don’t get involved. Don’t fall for the charm. Don’t expect it to be real. Just don’t. Yet at the same time all I can say is live life exactly how I lived it. Because in the end it works out so much better than you ever could’ve imagined.

That’s the thing about healthy after toxic. I’ll tell you now baby girl, you’ll have a tendency to shy away from any good shown to you because good used against you so many times. You will doubt more than you believe because trusting doesn’t come easy and “too good to be true” usually was. You’ll have a desire to self sabotage to protect yourself, because running away now seems safer than healing the hurt later. That’s why you have to make healing a priority babes. You just have to my dear.

You’re going to learn what it feels like to be alone at your home crying your eyes out because alone hurts. But I will tell you now that alone is so much better than being with someone who hurts you. And furthermore I will tell you that in that alone time that you sit with your self, and really sit with your thoughts, that’s where the true healing is. And it’s not gonna feel great in the moment, and it’s not going to be easy, but when it starts to click. And you do the work for it, One day you’re gonna wake up and realize you worked so hard to overcome the demons that I was telling you about but now life is filled with glorious angels.

I used to wish I could tell you to never get involved. But in fact I need you to get involved. I need you to not leave after so many times, I need you to believe the lies that are told to you. I need you to do it exactly the way I did it, with all the pain, hurt, and healing I walked through. Because now I love who I am more than I ever could’ve imagined. And now my life is unfolding in the best possible way.

So yes, love fully and openly like you do. Learn that not everyone does. Sit with your lessons baby. And then just I we now have tatted on our body, “love today, love tomorrow” my dear.

I am sending all my love and strength to you.

With Love,

Al