Comparison, Compromise & Confidence

I am filled with a confidence and joy which aids in my desires to love as many as I can and to show love to all that I can. However, life was not always like this. Before I knew Christ, and before I accepted Him as my savior, life was a roller coaster of emotions; one hour I was up, and the next I was spiraling down.

I kept a façade of the “perfect life” at bay. Only problem is the “perfect life” does not exists in this world. Everyone around me assumed I was getting very good grades in classes, that I was physically healthy, and I was very happy and content with myself. Besides decent grades, I was not doing any of those things. I was toxically in a relationship of which I bowed to the enemy, I was very unhappy in the way I looked and sounded, and the picture perceived of me was not what I wanted to show; simply put, I was lying to everyone about who I was and how happy I was. 

The largest contributor to the problem was comparison. I had opened the door for the enemy, invited him in, and listened to him tell me how I was not enough in every possible way. I compared myself to every person around me. I told myself I wasn’t pretty enough, or skinny enough or funny enough. Then I let myself believe in order to succeed in this world and become enough I needed to push many people down and talk poorly about people and cave to prejudice towards others. I taught myself how to hate. I taught myself to be the mean girl while still claiming to be the good, sweet, innocent woman I once was. I created the façade of perfection; a lie. 

Now, comparison is said to be the thief of all good things. Yet, I know all good things come from above; they come from our Father and His unbreakable love. So, if comparison is the thief of all good things, then it is the thief of our Father’s love. So why do we compare ourselves to everyone else around us? Why would we even consider giving up the love we feel from our God the Father, God the Son and the Holy Spirit? Why do we listen to the enemy and say things like, “I’m just not as pretty as her,” or “I am just the stupid one” or even, “I wish my testimony was like theirs?” Because the enemy grabs ahold of the slightest inch we give, and he takes miles from us. He fuels the fire of our fears and our insecurities, while God pours water on the fire, puts it out and then takes the old burning wood and refurbishes it to great glory to be placed somewhere for everyone to see. Comparison is the devil. It is sin. And as long as we are living in this world, we will see it tear people apart. Some may even compromise their spirituality. 

You see, it is so easy to give into the idea of wanting what “they” have. You feel you deserve it, you worked for it or even that it is your birthright. The pastures are always greener on the other side. Yet, it is even easier to think evil thoughts such as, “you are not enough,” and then sit back and not change anything about yourself. It is easy to go to Church, bible studies and campus ministries, and state, “God will always love me, though I don’t deserve His love,” then walk out of Church, bible study or campus ministry and think, “I am still not enough, I don’t worship like that person, or have the word like that person or even hear God like that person.” It is easy to give into the enemy by compromising you own spirituality by only a thought of, “I am not enough.”  It is easy to compromise your relationship with God by saying, “Oh I will pray tomorrow, I am just not feeling good right now.” or maybe even saying, “Well I don’t pray out loud like him, so I just don’t feel comfortable praying out loud.” That is compromising your spirituality. That is comparing yourself to other Children of God, your brothers and sisters, and compromising your own relationship with your Father. 

So here I am; testing you a little bit, placing words of encouragement on how to build your confidence. When the enemy knocks on your door, take one look in the mirror at the creation of you. God chose to make you in His image, therefore you comparing yourself against other Child of God, is to say, “Father, I do not like this shirt you made, in fact I think that shirt looks better,” when all the shirts are the same green V-neck, handmade out of Love and His glory with His purpose. Gain your confidence in knowing you were wonderfully and purposefully made in His own image. The best verse for my own struggle with building confidence is Psalm 139. The entire Psalm is so beautiful and filled with Glory and Grace, but my favorite part is 139: 13-16 (CSB). It states, “For it was you who created my inward parts, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from you when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.”

The next time the enemy knocks to tell you, that you are not enough, I encourage you to pray and ask, “Father, fill me with the confidence as I approach this struggle. Father God overwhelm me with love and your purpose of making me. For I am wonderfully and Purposely made by you. Thank you for your love, Amen.” And truly take confidence you are a Child of God who is blessed to know His name. 

In Christ,

Alex Ann